(no subject)

[apiphile]

silhouettes in an east london flat

they are so gentle with each other
you can tell they don't hate each other at all;

when we are in the crystalising period of love
still growing our mineral skeletons
we exchange pieces of ourselves
stories and memories, words and habits
to create a structure that is two people
sometimes it lasts

other times the weather that drives people together
eventually pulls them apart
hands them umbrellas
and launches them back into the storm

romance should not be derived from pressure cookers
i wonder if there is anything to love in me;
the people who profess to find it
stab at shadows and howl at echoes
replicas of their own reflections
set up to dazzle them into compliance

there is no art in this science of serial seduction

there is a deformity of the eye
that allows you to see only the mundanity
the wretchedness and ugly reality;
shit-tinted shades
showing off the grim compromise
the worms at the core
and the lies

when we demolish the fabric of a certainty
it unravels between our fingers
leaving them stained and scratched
and it burns out the ladders
leaving no way back

they are gentle with each other
and i have forgotten how to stay my hand
or blunt my tongue
there is only antarctica to freeze my course
time to slow down
until i can hurt no one

they are gentle with each other
and i should have learned that trick
when i was young.

(no subject)

[apiphile]

temporal lobe seizure

Begin at the beginning
if you know where that is;
a leaf becomes leaf not bud
at a specific point in the fourth dimension
that is time
and in that other dimensions after
is an U N F U R L I N G
time coexes breadth depth and width
into chemical expansion
and bud becomes leaf
an arbitrary conception
but a functional one
as bud cannot photosynthesise
cannot farm the photons
descending millions of miles
another meaningless measure
to strike the surface of this
discrete unit of organism and
perform evolution's rank alchemy
making energy from energy
it is utilitarian romance
leaf becomes leaf when it can do the job of a leaf
but in our clinging lingering ontology
leaf does not cease to be leaf
when it is brown and incapable
nor when it is severed and separate from
its purpose the plant or tree
another purely conceptual distinction
the leaf
is still leaf until it decoheres
and is invisible and consumed
we say
and we say
the same of people
the leaf fidgets in turbulance
and falls on the wind
and is dispersed
it is coalesced in the body of the tree
from nutrients
made in part in other leaves
from the sun's streamin glight
if you follow a leaf forever
how many other things is it
where does it come from
where does it go
is it more leaf than tree
more tree than sun
more sun than bugs
or birds or mould
are these all just stages of nameles
eternal life of individual particles
do these molecules these atoms
do they remember everything they have been
if you look at the motions of matter
there must be nets
and webs
and patterns
the atoms composing sap
circulating
and break out inside animal bellies
move into their blood their bones
you could see the entire story of existence
written in subatomic wriggles
a hieroglyphic language of everything
the map is the territory
with the right kind of eyes