(no subject)

[apiphile]

we all turn our eyes to heaven

How does an atheist pray?

If enlightenment is just a feeling

Made of chemicals in the brain

And cannot be trusted

If connectedness is just a feeling

Made of chemicals in the brain

And cannot be trusted,

How does an atheist pray?

If connectedness is made of chemicals in the brain

And the chemicals (proteins) are made of molecules

And the molecules are made of atoms

And the atoms are made of particles

Created at the birth of the universe

Like all matter, like all power

Then isn’t every particle my brother

Isn’t every molecule my sister

Isn’t every protein my family

Isn’t every part of this universe connected to me

In the white hot heat of the beginning?

Isn’t that feeling correct?

(And who will love you if there is no God to love you?

Oh then I will love me, and I will forgive me, and I will absolve me;

And I won’t ask for worship

And I won’t ask for prayers

And I won’t tell the loving other people

To abandon the love of theirs)

How do atheists pray, though, if you have no soul

If all you are is matter

Why do you matter

How do atheists pray, then, if you’re empty as a bowl?

If all I am is matter, am I different from a rock

Do I have a claim upon the space that I take up?

But there is no other matter

Like the matter I’m made of

Every single moment of my life is only mine

And every single molecule has changed over time

And every single combination of events

Means there’s nothing identical to me

In this whole firmament

If all I am is matter I am still unique

I am the only me that will ever exist

The same is true of granite

But I’m okay with this.

(And though I am unique, I am never alone:

The microbes in my body feed me

The atoms in the air sustain me

And when death comes to bleed me

My body will become

A million other things)

How do atheists endure, if you’ve no God to hold you

If there is no power beside you

In the darkest moments of your life

There’s no one to guide you

Through the longest night

How do atheists endure, without a spirit to enfold you?

If the night is long and lonely, the sun still rises

If my heart is broken, one day it will not matter

If my way is lost, my feet will find another

All this suffering and horror will pass

“I” may pass with it

“I” may not survive it

But it will pass.

And when the heat of the universe is gone at last

My particles will lie

In the sea of room-temperature nothing

With nothing to differentiate me

From the neighbours I loved

The foes I feared

The plants that I ate

And the worms that ate me

I need no gods to love me or demons to hate me;

This will pass

Time is intemperate

Nothing lasts

This will pass.

How do atheists pray then? A little like this:

I am connected

I am unique

All this will pass

But for now

I exist.

Posted at 12:08 PM 20 notes Permalink ∞

(no subject)

[apiphile]

don't fly

The soul is not a butterfly

It is a worm bored into the body

Eating through the dirt of the world

Making fertile thought from foul experience;

When poisonous pain makes a monster

Of the person you remember

And their body cracks and leaves them

Screaming and naked of their humanity

In the dark animal underbelly where all

Is physical and nothing is certain,

Do not pray for the chrysalis to peel back

And emit the soul into some unknown salvation:

Feed the worm in your own chest.

(no subject)

[apiphile]

a comedy to those who think

nihilists must be miserable
for only in finding meaning
can we compensate for the suffering
that is our fate.

i refuse to dignify my suffering
with the application of meaning
elevate that sorry state
to something it is not.

life may be suffering
but suffering is absurd
existence is an accident
a random joke at the expense
of sentience.

i am put upon this earth
for no reason whatsoever
my consciousness is merely chance
nothing i do will change that
it does not mean i will do nothing

futility is the best joke of all
i was put upon this earth
to laugh.