(no subject)

[apiphile]

when you do not call the bear

my name is not my name

i have an avoidance register
like the ancient europeans
who refused to call the one
that we now know as "bear"
by his known name
lest it summoned him,
this "brown one",
this "honey-eater",
this "long-sleeper",
this forgotten god
who, like a tail-eating serpent
might consume the fragile men
or be consumed by them
if they were wily enough.

my name is not my name

when you spell out letters
to avoid alerting the sleeping wolf
to the proximity of the external world
or the savour of meats
and instead you whisper:
w-a-l-k walk
t-r-e-a-t-s treats
you participate in this ritual
consigned to the spiritual oubliette--

my name is not my name

when you refuse to utter it
and instead say: ha'Shem
when you call those who came before us
the lords and ladies
the gentlemen of the hills
when you euphemise the unspeakably powerful
when you do not call the bear
you speak in this register

when you speak in this register
you will forget the word
you will forget the name
you will forget the reason that you began
to hold your tongue
but the price of calling without compromise
is written in your veins.

so you do not know my name;
you know how to address the civilisation in me
and that is not
the same
thing.