(no subject)

[apiphile]

if evil exists it occupies the same space as love and it wears love's clothes. 

i assume that for you this feels good. warm. maybe a little like taking a small dose of mdma. you feel like a singular enclosed person with links to other people, which is something a person can apparently feel. you don't feel like you're being destroyed and overwritten, and you don't feel completely closed off and looking at shadows of things that aren't real. you have an emotional sense of Togetherness. Us-ness. that is only increased when there's some Them around to hold up in contrast. is that right?

okay. my good feeling is when there is no me and there is no you. i don't mean we run together into one person. i mean humanity stops altogether. the scales shift. i can see the microbes pulling against each other and toward each other. i can see the lines of relation that connect, and the constant tension between Yes and No as everything, when you shift the scales further, comes down to "is it here or not". probability. things which are and are not. Yes and No in huge moving fuzzy temporal patterns. when i can feel that and see that all at once.

that's when i'm very still and not listening and you are telling me that i should be more receptive to connection, that's what i'm doing. i'm being receptive to the complete and total web of everything that has ever been and ever will be and all the ways in which it interconnects and i am not, i'm sorry, i'm not prioritising the emotional importance of the flag to you. if i'm honest i think. i think i might care more about the fungal colony growing under your right big toenail than that.