(no subject)

[apiphile]

that martha stewart feeling

i want to go home
wherever that is
however far back that is
somewhere i can start again;
to take my hand off the guard rail
and walk up stairs marvelling at the texture of the carpet;
to feel safe when i close the door
to want to be shut in with these people,
where i am not always making plans for escape
yearning for some intruder
to open the door
and whisk the world out of shape.

i want to go home
whatever that is
whenever that is
where the darkness can always be illuminated
and warmth is not a sin
and hunger exists to be sated
and worth is not debated
on whether or not your interlocutor is tired;
to touch familiarity
and not be repelled by it
or expelled by it
on a whim.

i want to know home
is people and not a place,
like they tell you
in the movies;
i want to know home
as a certainty,
a rock
in the sea of change;
i want to see faces that resemble
the ones that i can abide;
i want to walk weary to the door of a new sanctuary
and finally feel safer
inside.

Comments

[kalmialatifolia]

the least easy-to-fulfill desire i have is "i want to go home," except i always am. at its best, i feel like my life is being in a cold and uncomfortable movie theatre at a movie you don't really like, and you want to leave; and at the worst, i feel like i'm in a trench and i've been shot at for 72 hours or more and parts of me are bleeding and oozing and probably terminally infected and i want to go home where for the love of god someone could treat these injuries or at least clean the dirt off.

YOU FEEL ME?

[apiphile]

I really do feel you and I'm sort of both disturbed and relieved that this isn't as unusual a feeling as I thought.